domingo, 27 de mayo de 2012

Wally Keeler, Shakespeare found guilty

Fuente: , excelente blog a cargo de Wally Keeler, blogger radicado en Toronto.
Otros blogs de este singular y desopilante escritor:. , , ,  

William (The Bard) Shakespeare was found guilty of all charges pertaining to his involvement in organized rhyme schemes. He was declared,“the Poetriarch of an Elizabethan rhyme family whose influence continues to reverberate throughout the Anglosphere.”

The Final Report of the Commission On the Causes and Manifestations of Divergent Think Procedure Concerning the Origin of the Apoetheosis of Organized Rhyme Throughout the Anglosphere delivered its findings to the Poetburo of the Peoples Republic of Poetry last month. It was released to the public at an impress conference held this morning in the grand chambers of the House of Uncommons.

The 392-year investigation conducted by generations of Rhyme Scheme Investigators from the Creative Intelligence Anarchy, (CIA) declared that Shakespeare, was the undisputed “Poetriarch of organized rhyme.” They compiled considerable cause to support the centuries’ old contention that Shakespeare had attempted to conceal his involvement in rhyme.

“The CIA does not deliver any new material to the light of day,” said Wally Keeler, Poetician 1 of the Peoples Republic of Poetry, “A re-examination of all the poetagonists and accessories to Shakespeare’s prolific rhymes did bring a refreshing new perception to his activities. Shakespeare knew exactly what he was doing when he was committing these rhymes. Fortunately for English literature, his attempts to cover-up his iambiguity activities failed.”
The Final Report, unlike Interim Reports I thru LXVII, focussed exclusively on the primary evidence of 154 sonnets. Shakespeare committed most of his rhymes in sonnets.

The Report declared that “Shakespeare's poetency was so fecund that his rhyme schemantra of ABAB CDCD EFEF GG became the stanza operating procedure that pollened through the ages by swarms of ambitious little pick-poets bent on rhyme-sprees of poetical proportions. Generations of poets became addicted to the form, trafficking it through countless anthologies and chapbooks that eventually found their way into school systems. The Sonnet came to bear his name and dominated all other sonnet rhyme schemantras. This rhyme-spree eventually lost its pre-eminent position when a school of literatistas implemented a Rhyme-Stoppers program by importing outside agitators, especially vers libre from the francophonie.”

Poet Keeler extolled the breaking of the grip of this rhyme family.“Shakespeare remains omnipoetent. His poetry prevails. That was never the problem. It was the unrelenting collateral damage from his white lace collar rhymes that began to choke creativity; it was that which needed addressing. Vers Libre liberated the Imagine Nation of Poetry.”

“Thankfully, most pulp friction relating to the rhyme-a-dozen ilk found a place at the local Five & Rhyme of the greeting card industry, instead of in the literary circles and triangles of the modern age.”

Emerging poet, Jim Johnstone, questioned the Final Report, asserting that it “…appears to be nothing more than a War on Rhyme. Rap revivals of recent years have found a new and vibrant niche for African-American rhyme families. The prevalence of White Anglo-Saxon Poetestants has exhausted itself. The Final Report is nothing more than a autopsyturvy of ye olde case rhymes."
Poet Keeler said the Peoples Republic of Poetry has “no exclusionist or segregationist policy concerning rhyme. We are aware that African-American rhyme families are currently on the crest of a new rhyme wave. We exclude nothing from our domain in the Imagine Nation except mediocrity.”

The Final Report went on to assert that history has amply proven that never has there been a rhyme family unlanced by a leak sooner or later. Shakespeare’s extensive attempts to keep knowledge of his sonnets restricted to his Elizabethan rhyme family was first betrayed in 1598 by Francis Mere in Palladis Tamia. A year younger than Shakespeare, Mere described himself as “Maister of Arte of both Universities” and lauded Shakespeare‘s plays, declaring; “As the soul of Euphorbus was thought to live in Pythagoras so the sweet witty soul of Ovid lives in mellifluous and honey-tongued Shakespeare, witness his Venus and Adonis”.
These comments did not trouble Shakespeare. He had already entered his first poem, Venus and Adonis, into the Stationer’s Registrar, April 18, 1593. His second poem, The Rape of Lucrece, was registered May 9, 1594. Without irony, William Leake, a well-known stationer at the time, obtained the rights to publish Venus and Adonis in 1596, but refrained from publishing it for several years. The reason for this delay remains a mystery. Mere’s betrayal was his reference in Palladis Tamia to Shakespeare’s “sugared Sonnets” which he shared only“among his private friends".
Biron gave voice on behalf of Shakespeare in Love’s Labour’s Lost: IV. ii, “I am betrayed by keeping company with men like men of inconstancy. When shall you see me write a thing in rhyme?” It was noted that Shakespeare was not making any admission of involvement in organized rhyme; nevertheless the challenge was put forth.

Shakespeare’s rhyme schemes were first exposed to the public in 1599. Without authorization, two sonnets were leaked and published in The Passionate Pilgrim. No records exist to describe the breadth, depth and height of hurt and rage that swooneth directly the hearte of The Bard at this personal exposure. Shakespeare declined interviews and spoke only through the proxy voices of the characters in his plays: “Men of few words are the best men". Everything indicated that this was the personal credo of Shakespeare.

Once again Biron spoke up to defend his author: “I do nothing in the world but lie, and lie in my throat. By heaven, I do love: and it hath taught me to rhyme and to be melancholy; and here is part of my rhyme, and here my melancholy.” Shakespeare’s voices were offered up to spin the yarn that he was beyond himself, that other powers drove him to rhyme. King Ferdinand of Navarre also spoke up with a back-handed declaration, “I heard your guilty rhymes, observed your fashion, saw sighs reek from you, noted well your passion.”
Mistress Quickly, a frisky frolic from an Eastcheap tavern, supping a cup too many at Dr Caius’ house, attempted to pass the rhymes off on fairies, “Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme.”

Shakespeare regarded his deeply personal sonnets off limits to the public; they were addressed with unrestrained passion and intense intimacy to a “fair youth” and later to a “dark lady”. Shakespeare was meticulous about concealing the identities of these two accessories in rhyme. Despite all attempts, Shakespeare successfully befuddled the rigorous research of the Oxfordians, who were devoted to discrediting Shakespeare as “bequeathing a doggerel’s breakefaste for all the ages.”

The Federal Bureau of Inspiration, which often collaborates with the Creative Intelligence Anarchy, found that gossip amongst some literatistas suggested Shakespeare had bitextual tendencies and that the fair youth was a boy lover. It is certain that the Poetriarch was smitten by the youth, but evidence of The Bard’s bitextuality remains inconclusive. By contrast, his later sonnets addressed to a dark lady, committed stimulating sex rhymes.

In either case, the “fondling hearte was a-throbbin’ with a clan destinie” outside the marital embrace of the mother of his children, Anne Hathaway. This was likely the prime motive explaining The Bard’s reticence to expose his romantic rhyme spree. There is no evidence indicating that Ms Hathaway got wind of his rhymes; her reaction remains a matter of speculative fiction.

After the brief outing of two Sonnets, the issue of Shakespeare’s organized rhymes remained quiescent for several years. Rhyme Scheme Investigators stitched a scenario from Shakespeare’s characters that may explain this period when a blind eye prevailed.

Shylock announced, “If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" This was followed by Dick speaking out in King Henry the Sixth, Part II (Act IV, Scene II) “The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers". Obviously, Shakespeare was not to be trifled with concerning his rhymes, and the Sonnets remained within the tight embrace of the Elizabethan rhyme family for several more years.

Nevertheless, the “daggers in men’s smiles” glistened again. A large number of Shakespeare’s rhymes were published in 1609, again without authorization. This was a major breech of omerta poetocols of Shakespeare’s concealment activities. This publication was the beginning of establishing him as The Poetriarch of the rhyme fraternity that continues to this day. Nevertheless, attempts at concealment of his rhyme spree continued with varying degrees of success.

Scholars have fingered and theorized the fact that the 1609 edition of his poems was dedicated to “Mr W. H.” as “the only begetter” of the poems. Thomas Thorpe, the publisher, failed to reveal if this dedication was written by himself or by Shakespeare. William Jaggard, had a 20-year involvement with The Poetriarch, printing poems and plays. Marchette Gaylord Chute, in his 1949 study, Shakespeare of London, wrote, “William Jaggard was in general a reputable printer and it was only when he was dealing with Shakespeare’s work that he became at all unethical…” 
Shakespeare’s grief at this exposure of his intimate passions was unbearable. Dromio of Syracuse lamented Shakespeare’s pain in The Comedy of Errors: II, ii: “Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, when in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme.”Shakespeare presented his case best in As You Like It, III, ii, when Rosalind posed the defence’s question, “But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak?” and Orlando spoke for The Bard, answering,“Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.”
Shakespeare’s First Folio survived only as a fragmentary copy -- the date of publication lost forever because of a missing title page. The Final Report compared many of these unfortunate happenstances with the Watergate activities of the early 1970’s, in particular, the clumsy explanation of the 18-minute gap of a telephone tape recording of U.S.A. President Richard Nixon’s cover-up activities.

It is certain that Shakespeare wanted his rhyme schemes concealed from the public eye and when this failed, there is sufficient evidence that clumsy attempts had been made to redirect and obfuscate responsibility for the rhymes. Other elements of the Illuminati du jour, who also dabbled in rhyme, ran interference, but ultimately failed in their task.

Samuel Pepys ruthlessly described the 1595 "A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream" as "the most insipid, ridiculous play that I ever saw in my life."
Voltaire stepped into the fracas, asserting that "Shakespeare is a drunken savage with some imagination whose plays please only in London and Canada." If that were not enough, he added that"Shakespeare is the Corneille of London, but everywhere else he is a great fool". This was later divined as inadvertently prophetic, because the Poetriarch of the rhyme family became not just the Corleone of London, but of the imperial Anglosphere.

The spread of The Poetriarch’s omnipoetency eventually morphed into unbridled Bardolatry. In 1769, David Garrick, a renown actor of his time, whose mouth has been “bruisethed all tendermess in the tendril’s of rhyme” of Shakespeare, unveiled a statue in Startford-upon-Avon and read a poem crescending with:

“‘tis he, ‘tis he
The God of our Idolatry”
Not the be outdone, George Bernard Shaw, in 1901, took responsibility for coining and embedding “Bardolator” in the preface to his play The Devil’s Disciple. Other notable accessories to rhyme are Samuel Johnson, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, John Keats, William Hazlitt, and Harold Bloom, among countless others.

Rhyme Scheme Investigators found over the centuries that poetry circles and triangles have been praising the Sonnets as a profound meditation on the nature of love, sexual passion, procreation, death, and time and concluded that William (The Bard) Shakespeare continues to be the “Poetriarch of organized rhyme.”

Shakespeare was confident of the everlasting poetency of his organized rhymes; addressing the fair youth of his affections in Sonnet LV, The Bard declared: “Not marble, nor the gilded monuments of princes shall outlive this powerful rhyme.”

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